We have just been busy. I'm not saying that in an, "I'm the only one" kind-of-way;
I'm only saying it.
Everyone has had or will have a time (or a few) in their life when they are shaken to the core. Things like, I wasn't expecting THAT to happen. Other things like, why did THIS happen? Fact of the matter is, I am well aware that I am not in charge. I have no control over everything that goes on around me. But I continue to find myself in places I never expected to be. Things occur in life that are not even on my radar. I know that's how it goes, but it doesn't explain anything to me.
As human beings, we aren't capable of understanding all the facts of the universe. As human beings, it is my opinion that we have very little control of life... its quality, its length, and the curveballs we are thrown. Sometimes what happens to you in your life is a reflection of choices that you have made. But many times it isn't. I take comfort in knowing that there is a good, gracious and forgiving God. It is comforting to me to know that He loves me more than I can imagine because I have the brain and the body of a human being. I don't have the ability to understand why things happen the way they do. Here's the thing -- I am afraid it is easy for me to talk this way because I haven't lost a parent, a sibling, a spouse or a child. Because I haven't experienced that kind of loss, I feel inadequate when it comes to comforting or consoling someone who has. When it comes right down to it, no one can really console you, because a loss of any kind is going to affect everyone differently. Sometimes there are no words. I think it's okay to say that. As much as people want to help you and be there for you, sometimes their attempts at comfort can hurt worse.
I kind of keep a running list in my head of things, that are standard phrases people say, that friends have told me are not pacifying at all.
"Well, at least they're in a better place."
Maybe, but we are the ones here and hurting.
"I know how this must feel."
No you don't, you don't know the depth of this relationship.
"Time will heal, it won't hurt like this forever."
Really? Then let's move on to the easy part.
These are somewhat obvious things that everyone knows deep down inside, but they really don't want to hear it over and over from people when the wound is fresh. When I have been told these things, they feel redundant and a little condescending. I completely believe that some wounds do not heal. It's kind of like a scar. It is always with you. It may be constantly on your mind. Maybe you want to move forward but don't know how. This is a path that my loved ones have been walking on lately, as you know. It is frustrating when there are no answers. But I choose to believe that we will not get all the answers here. The eternity we are going to hopefully all see each other in, is the only place we will ever get complete closure. Maybe.
There is another human-type assumption that I just made.
Now, I am not just talking about death. I am talking about bad things that happen to all kinds of people, little children, teens, older folks, or just individuals that are in the wrong place at the wrong time. I have people in my life who have suffered, are still working on, and even overcome terrible acts of violence, awful illnesses and painful health issues. And I have lost people very close to me. People that I think about all the time. I can usually hear their voices in my head saying exactly what they think. Just because that's my visual doesn't mean that's really how it is.
I find a little bit of comfort in the fact that because I am here on earth, living and breathing, I will never fully understand why circumstances are what they are. I am not supposed to... I will never fully grasp the meaning of life or the circle of life. And that's okay. It's like that dang cloud that everyone in the tech world talks about. I don't completely fathom how it works, but do I really need to? I'm okay not understanding how a computer or a television operates. As long as it functions, that's all I need.
Thanks for being patient and checking in on the blog during these last few weeks. It has been humbling and comforting to know that people are looking for me. Perhaps they even missed me having something to say. Surely not... I'm just a girl. Living in a rural area. With a few opinions.
