A couple of days ago I mentioned a girlfriend, much younger than me, that I had heard from after my mammogram/ultrasound post. She found a lump and hadn't had it checked out yet. She was upset and scared.
During this past week, she has had her first appointment, then another was scheduled, and I think yesterday, a third. If that wasn't exactly the way it played out, then it is safe to say that she was in and out of doctors' offices and clinics almost all week. Her initial news isn't great. Wow. To think that last week, she hadn't made the appointment, and this week she has already received scary news is a lot to process. It is my understanding that nothing is definitive, but I haven't heard from her in over 24 hours, and I know she saw a surgeon yesterday.
Upsetting isn't a strong enough word. Scared with and for her aren't strong enough words. The only thing that comes out of my mouth is, "What can I do? I mean it, what can I do?" She has a supportive husband, a close-knit family; but her mother is far away, and her family has suffered a significant loss in the past year.
This road is familiar to me. I haven't been the patient with the diagnosis, but I have been the friend. The thing is, it always turns out different. Sometimes it is over in an instant, and everything is back to normal before you know it. Sometimes it is a longer journey, and as hard as it is on everyone, it can still turn out well. Sometimes it ends in a way that no one wants.
A couple of days ago, I mentioned how you have to be your own best advocate. If you aren't the one with the health problem, you can certainly back up the one who is. If you are the patient, and you are busy being your own best advocate, you have to let people help you. It is hard to ask for help. When someone says, "how can I help?" -- the general thing that flies out of my mouth is, "I have no idea, I'll let you know." But picking up that phone and asking someone to do something that you think sounds out of the ordinary or is way out of bounds, is pretty dang hard. Surround yourself with people who love you, and let them help.
That is the same advice I would give to a new mother. There is a major upheaval in your life. Everything changes very fast and all at once. You are loved. Sometimes people don't know how to help, and sometimes they do. Let them help, and don't be afraid to ask if they don't volunteer. As Ellen says at the end of every show, "Be kind to one another."
XOXO
